When You Were Young
by HeathersRivera
Summary: 'She wrapped her pinky around mine and looked up at me with that same soft smile, and I knew right then I'd never let anyone hurt her again.' Santana tells us about the untold story of Brittana. Some Quinntana friendship. Possible M for future chapters. :)
1. Preface & Chapter 1

**Preface**

* * *

"Mamá... tell me about mommy. About you and mommy."

Tell me about you and mommy. Those are the words that started it all. The reason I'm writing to you now. You see... it's not that you're too young to understand, that's not why I couldn't tell you everything when you asked me to tell you about mommy and I as I brushed through the long blonde waves in your hair that morning. See, I truly believe that nobody understands love more than you and her do. It's just that, well, I wasn't ready to tell you more than you already knew about her. _She was beautiful, smart, and so strong, just like you mija, _is all you know, still, at 7 years old. Turns out it's not that you're not ready, it's that I'm not.

By the time you get this baby girl, I'll be with her. Remember when I told you that if anything were to ever happen to mamá, to look in the colourful cabinet where I keep some of mommy's things? Well, this is what I was hoping you'd find. Because I never did tell you about mommy and I did I? The answer's been hidden, in here, for god knows how long. Just waiting to be opened by the little girl who was just curious about the mother she never got to meet.

So here it goes. The untold story you deserved to hear long ago, on that very morning you asked about mommy and I.

* * *

**Chapter 1 **

It was fifth grade when I first saw her. I was in class, sitting next to Noah Puckerman and Josh McGraw, the two cutest boys in class. It wasn't an unsual scene, I was always surrounded by boys at school. I could safely say I was the prettiest girl in the room, that is, until Brittany arrived.

She was new. Mrs. S brought her in by the hand, smiling ear to ear.

"Kids, this is Brittany Susan Pierce. Your new classmate." The blonde bit her bottom lip and smiled, bringing her hand up into a small wave. The class remained silent, even I for once, was speechless. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen.

"Honey, you can take a seat.. there. In front of Miss Lopez." She gestured to the seat in front of me, and I watched as the beautiful girl nodded and walked slowly towards it. I looked up at her, my dark brown eyes meeting her bright blue ones, before she turned and sat down.

"Wow.." I supposedly said aloud, she turned her head slightly to look at me, and pressed her lips together to suppress a giggle. I looked away, turning to face Puck who was already preparing spit balls for the new kid.

* * *

Recess came shortly after. I was sitting on top of the monkey bars with Puck; the rest of the kids standing around us. Except for one. Brittany was swinging on the swings by herself across the playground.

"Santana? Santana!" He shook my shoulders, causing me to lose my balance and fall backwards to the sand. "Ouch! Crap! Puckerman!"

"Oops!" He jumped off the monkey bars and landed beside me, helping me up. "Sorry, I was just tryna get your attention. You keep staring at the hot new girl. Well, now that I think about it, I don't blame you." I stood up, glared at him, then punched him in the jaw without a thought.

"OW!" Noah's hand flew up to cup his jaw, rubbing it softly. "What was that for?!"

"Pushing me off the monkey bars," I looked over at the blonde on the swings who was watching the whole thing. "And calling the new kid hot. Which she _isn't_. I mean look at her." I made a face of disgust, and did the only thing I new how to do when I felt unsure of myself.

"Hey new kid!" I called, watching as Brittany continued to sit on the swing, kicking the sand. My face went red; she was ignoring me. Who did she think she is?

"Hey!" I called, walking towards her. "I'm talking to you." I said once I was standing in front of her. A group of kids had crowded around us, wanting to see the show.

"Hi." She smiled, a genuine, warm smile, and held out her hand. "I'm unicorn. You are?" I snorted, and Puck who had recently come up beside me, laughed.

"Unicorn? How old are you? 4?" The blonde shook her head.

"10."

"10 year olds dont refer to themselves as _unicorn. _Freakin' loser." Brittany pouted as the kids behind me chuckled.

"I am a unicorn..." I couldn't help but feel sorry for the angel-like girl sitting before me. She had such a beautiful innocence about her, something I've never seen before. It made my stomach do flips, something I had never _felt_ before. It worried me, I didn't like feeling this unsure. I needed control. I grabbed her wrist and pulled her off the swing, causing her to fall to her knees in the sand.

"Ow!"

"You listen to me new kid," I got down on my knees so I was eye level with her. "You're in _my_ school now. You can't go around calling yourself unicorn in _my_ school. Do I make myself clear? From now on, prepare to do as I say. Unless you want to get the crap kicked out of you." The blonde just looked into my eyes, without saying a word. She didn't even frown, it was almost as if she could see right through me. I shoved her chest, causing her to fall onto her back, then got up and high fived Puckerman who was laughing away.

"Way to go Lopez, showin' the new kid who's boss." I smirked, looking down at the girl who had sat back up and was brushing the sand off her arms. Usually when I did this, I felt better inside. Like I had a sense of accomplishment. Not this time. The sense of accomplishment was replaced with a new feeling.. guilt? I brushed it off, walking away without another word.


	2. Chapter 2 - The Fall

Throughout the next few months, I made it my priority to make Brittany's life a living hell. She gave me an unfamiliar feeling everytime she spoke in her innocent tone of voice or looked at me with her big blue eyes, and though I wouldn't admit it, it scared me. So, I did the only thing I knew how to do in bad situations; I took it out on her. If she came anywhere near the play structure, I'd give her dirty looks and threaten to kick her ass if she went any closer. If she didn't get the question right in class, which she never did, I'd tease her repeadetly til I was sent to the office. If she even breathed the wrong way, I'd shove her and call her names. Anything to get rid of that feeling in my stomach. Puck would join in; he thought nothing of making fun of her. He teased other kids on a daily basis.

Despite all the torture I had been putting her through, I hadn't seen her shed a single tear. I wasn't sure if she was just good at keeping it together, or if I really didn't bother her at all. I had a theory, that maybe she was made fun of at her old school too. I mean, she definitly wasn't too bright. The answers she gave Mrs. S in class were answers you'd expect from a first grader. I'm sure this wasn't the first time she's been called stupid, on a regular basis.

The more I thought about this, the more angry I got with myself. _Why_ was I looking so far into this? It shouldn't bother me at all. I'm always intimidating other kids at school. Why was this affecting me so much? It was getting hard to keep hurting her, but at the same time, I was growing more and more frustrated that I had sympathy for her, so, the bullying got worse. I took out every ounce of my frustration on her. To the point where I'd hit her hard enough her cheek would remain red for the rest of the day, but she never said a word. Then I'd go home with this awful feeling in my stomach, an awful feeling of _guilt_, a feeling I had never experienced before.

One day, I just snapped. The frustration, and anger had grown to a point where I didn't know what to do anymore. I needed to get it out.

"Hey!" I called, loud enough for Brittany to hear as she made her way to the swingset. The only place she felt safe. She looked over her shoulder, noticed my stare, and took a deep breath before turning to face me.

"Get over here!" She remained still for a moment, biting her lip. I guess debating whether or not she should follow my instructions.

"Are you deaf? I said get over here!" She closed her eyes and took one more deep breath before slowly making her way towards the play structure. She knew what was coming. More sympathy and guilt washed over me, and I just couldn't handle it.

"Hurry up!" I yelled. By now, kids started to make their way over to the play structure. Usually I liked having an audience, but today, I couldn't care less. This was between me and Brittany. After what seemed like hours, the blonde was standing in the sand in front of the play structure, waiting for further instruction.

"Don't just stand there you idiot, get up here!" She was hesitant, but she slowly made her way towards the stairs, climbing up til she reached the top, where I was standing. Noah was behind me suddenly, waiting anxiously for me to do something that would entertain him, and the rest of the kids already beggining to laugh as I stared Brittany down.

"You're such an idiot you know that." I growled, looking at the blonde's innocent, heart broken face. It killed me. I couldn't explain why, but it killed me to see her like this. And it angered me, that she was making me feel this way.

"Why do you do this to me." Tears stung my eyes as she tilted her head and looked at me in a way nobody's ever looked at me before. She wasn't scared, she was concerened. I lost it. Suddenly, I don't know how it happened, but my hands pushed her chest with such a force, that it caused her to hit her spine against the metal railing, and go tumbling over it. Next thing I knew, she was lying motionless on the ground.

"Brittany!" I screamed.


	3. Chapter 3 - Best Friends

It all happened so fast. The push, the fall, the crack, the scream. My eyes were wide open but everything was a blur, I saw faded figures rushing towards something.. but what were they rushing to. They crowded around something.. _someone_.. on the ground. It all came back to me. I had shoved Brittany, _hard_, and she had hit her spine against the metal railing on the play structure, and fallen down 10 ft. I looked over the edge, and watched as one of the older kids pulled out a cell phone and dialed what I assumed could only be 9-1-1.

"I think she's dead!"

"No way, is she breathing?!"

"Somebody get a teacher!"

"An ambulance is on the way!"

I felt sick. I was having a hard time listening to everything everyone was saying. It was too much. Did I really just do that? I mean, I know I've been shoving her, and hitting her for months now, but never _that_ hard. I'd never done real damage. Until now.

"Santana! What the hell was that?! You _killed_ her!" Noah screamed.

I closed my eyes and fell to my knees. Everything was spinning again. I heard the sirens, and several loud footsteps as the paramedics rushed towards Brittany's motionless body. I forced my eyes open, so I could watch the scene before me. Paramedics lifted her onto a stretcher, and began rushing her towards the ambulance. It took all the strength I had in me to get up and slide down the slide, rushing towards the paramedics who were carrying her away.

"Wait!" I screamed. They didn't seem to hear. I used every inch of my power to push myself forward and run faster, to catch up with them.

"Wait!" I called again, and this time one turned around. We were at the ambulance now, and I was struggling to catch my breath.

"Is she going to be okay?" I asked, with what little breath I had left. I didn't get an answer. They placed the stretcher in the ambulance and began to climb in next to her, as one walked around to the drivers side. I quickly tugged on one paramedics shirt as he was about to enter the ambulance; the same paramedic who turned around earlier.

"Please. Can I go with her? I need to make sure she's okay." He was hestitant at first, but he knew he had to be quick, so he picked me up and sat me down on a seat in the back. I slumped back against the seat, everything going black again as I came to the full realization that I did this to her.

* * *

It had been 3 days of waiting. I had been at the hospital since the incident, refusing to leave even when my abuela threatened me. I didn't want to leave Brittany until I knew for sure she was going to be okay, no matter how many times the doctors and nurses re-assured me she would be. Finally, after what felt like years of sitting in this stiff, uncomfortable hospital chair, Brittany's eyes suddenly fluttered open. Relief washed over me, followed by anxiousness. The nurses weren't in the room, neither was Brittany's parents. I'd have to tell her what happened. Would she be afraid of me? Would she be angry? So many thoughts ran through my mind in those few seconds.

"San..santana?" Her head turned slightly, and her blue eyes met mine. The light was still there. That little glow in her eyes that made my stomach do those flips I hated.

"Hey Brittany.." I bit my lip, sliding my chair closer to her so I could gently grab her hand. She didn't flinch or pull away like I had expected, which was a good sign.

"What's.. going on?" We just looked at each other for a moment, not saying a word. Then suddenly, I could see the confusion in her eyes almost.. clear up. She remembered.

"I'm so sorry." I whispered, my eyes getting watery. I didn't want to do this, I didn't want to cry in front of her. I rarely cry alone, let alone in front of people.

"She's awake?" The nurse peeked her head through the door, smiling softly at the blonde. "I'll go get your parents honey, and call the doctor to come see you." She shut the door gently behind her, leaving Brittany and I alone again. I wiped my eyes, not wanting to look weak in front of her.

"I had a dream." She said, reaching out for my hand once I had pulled away to wipe my eyes. Her touch was gently, comforting. She was so warm.

"I was laying on a cloud. A pink cloud. Playing with my kitty Lord Tubbington. He told me...that you felt bad for hurting me. And that you didn't want to do it anymore." She smiled softly at me, and I couldn't help but smile back.

"Your uh, cat.. is right. Not that I feel bad neccesarily, but.. I don't wanna be mean to you anymore." She squeezed my hand gently.

"Maybe.. we could be best friends."

"I just dislocated your back, almost paralyzed you, knocked you out cold, and you want to be my best friend?" Brittany just smiled.

"I don't know what any of those words mean, but yes. I do." I just laughed. There was something about Brittany.. she was special.

"Sounds good to me, B."

"Hehe, that rhymed. I like you. You're like Dr. Seuss." She wrapped her pinky around mine and looked up to me with that same soft smile, and I knew right then I'd never let anyone hurt her again.

* * *

**Chapter 4 is on the way :) xx**


	4. Chapter 4 - Safe Place

"Are you sure about this? I mean, I don't know if your parents will, uh, like me being here." I said as Brittany led me towards her front door. _After all I did to you, I bet they'll kick me out,_ I thought.

"I'm sure! I told them you're my new best friend, and they were happy I'd finally made a real one, instead of the invisible ones they can't see." She said with a cute smile, turning the doorknob and leading me inside. I sighed, Brittany could easily persuade me.

She had called me about an hour before, asking me if I wanted to come over today. It was only the first week of summer, and despite what I had been telling myself, I missed seeing my new friend already. So, naturally, I agreed. I put on my new summer dress, ran a brush through my dark locks a few times, and looked in the mirror to make sure I looked my best before I heard a knock on the door downstairs.

"I'm home!" The blonde called, kicking off her light-up sandals before intertwining our fingers and leading me into the kitchen.

"Santana! It's nice to see you again!" Her mother said, breathless. She was wearing a messy apron with tangled blonde hair and beads of sweat on her forehead as she turned to face us, after putting a lid on something cooking, well, _burning_ on the stove. She smiled, pulling me into a tight embrace before letting go and kissing Brittany on the cheek. She reminded me a lot of my new best friend. The last time I had seen her was a month ago, at the hospital. Her and her husband had been sitting side by side next to Brittany's hospital bed, with a kitten on her lap.

_"Mrs, I'm sorry but we don't allow animals in the facility, let alone in the patient's rooms." Brittany's nurse had said as she placed yet another blanket on her; her temperature had dropped quite a bit on day two._

_"But it's important he stays here. If Lord Tubbington doesn't wake Britty-Boo up, nobody can."_

_"Mr. and Mrs. Pierce, the doctors have reassured us it's nothing serious, she should be fine and wake up any day now. It's really not necessary to have her cat in the room."_

_"You don't know our Brittany very well then, do you? The first person she would want to see when she wakes up is her kitty." The nurse looked over at me, who was sitting quietly in the corner, my eyes never leaving Brittany's peaceful, angel-like face_. _Did she think I could talk them out of it?_

_"Please," She said, turning to look at them again. "We're going to have to ask you to leave and bring the cat home if you would like to be here when she wakes up." Her mother pouted, and her father sighed, picking the kitten up and tucking him under his arm._

_"I'll take him home." He kissed Mrs. Pierce's forehead, then Brittany's, and smiled sadly at me before exiting the room._

"Come on San," Brittany said, pulling me out of my haze. "I'll show you my room." She led me upstairs, opening the door the farthest from the staircase.

"This is it." She said, jumping up onto her bed and spreading out, looking up at her ceiling. I looked around, admiring how clean it was. I didn't take the blonde for the organized type. The room was covered in floral wallpaper; the walls filled with posters of famous dancers, photos of her family, cats, and her own artwork.

"You like unicorns, huh?" I said with a small laugh, looking at all the pictures she had drawn of what appeared to be unicorns jumping over rainbows. She laughed softly with me, sitting up to admire her work.

"Aren't they pretty?" I turned to look at the girl, who was smiling ear to ear.

"They are. What's this?" I asked, pointing towards the small trophy sitting on her desk.

"Oh! That's from a dance competition I was in before I moved here."

"You dance?

"I dance. Do you dance?"

"Oh I can dance." I smirked a bit as she hopped off her bed, pressing play on the boom box on her night stand.

"Then let's dance." She grabbed my hand, pulling me against her as the song began.

"Oh." I said, a bit taken back. Her other hand made it's way into mine as well interlocking our fingers as she began to move her hips. We were both giggling and dancing along to the music as our hands made their way into the air, and she spun me around before dipping me back with one arm. I looked up into her bright blue eyes, studying them as closely as she was studying mine. She smiled a bit, causing my stomach to do flips and my heart to race. If I wasn't Hispanic for sure she would've seen my blush.

She lifted me back up, and glanced down at one of our hands still intertwined.

"Sanny," She began, her brows furrowing in confusion. "What's this?" She twisted my wrist a bit and leaned down to get a better look at the dark, purple marks on my wrist.

"Oh," I said, pulling back. "That's.. that's nothing. I just, uh, my abuela, uh, got mad the other day.. it's no big deal." I stammered, placing my hands behind my back. She looked at me for a moment, her eyes full of concern.

"Come with me." She said softly, linking our pinkies.

* * *

She led me to the school. The last place I wanted to be on summer break. But I didn't complain. She led me down a big green hill our school rested on, down to the sandbox towards the swing set.

"This is my safe place." She said, gesturing for me to sit on one of the swings before she sat on the one next to me.

"I sat here and swang while all the other kids played with each other at recess. Nobody wanted to be on the swings when I was here. So I didn't get teased. It's my safe place." She looked over at me, our eyes meeting.

"It can be your safe place too." She said barely above a whisper, reaching out to stroke my bruises softly with her thumb.

I looked down at my wrist, then back up into her eyes, and for the first time in a long time, I did feel safe.

"Brittany.. I think my safe place is with you."

* * *

**Working on chapter 5 x**


	5. Chapter 5 - Confidence

**Sorry it took me so long to get to chapter 5! I've already started chapter 6, so it'll hopefully be up sometime tomorrow. Enjoy :) x **

* * *

Just like that, we were inseparable. We did everything together. From the moment I woke up, til the moment I went to sleep she was my number one priority. She was all I thought about; I lived and breathed Brittany. I had never had a real friend before fifth grade.. I had always felt alone. Sure, I knew I was the most popular girl at school; every boy wanted me and every girl wanted to be me, but I never felt like anyone really cared about me as a person. I never had anyone to talk to, never had anyone to safely share secrets with. I didn't trust anyone, that is, until Brittany came a long.

She was selfless. She put me before everything else. When I'd call her up and tell her I was sick, she'd be at my house in a matter of minutes to crawl into my bed and cuddle me until I felt better, not worried at all about getting sick herself. When I was hurt, she'd hold me and rub soothing circles on my back as I cried on her shoulder. When I needed to talk, she'd forget about everything else and just listen. I'd never had that before.. someone who'd listen. In short, the beautiful, bubbly blonde was my best friend.

Middle school was rough. I was no longer a little kid, but I wasn't yet a teenager. I guess nobody in middle school really knows who they are or how they're supposed to act. There was the group of seventh grade girls who still played with barbies and wore pigtails, and the group of seventh grade girls who had locked the barbies away in a drawer and began flirting with every one of those boys they thought were gross the year before. I wasn't sure which group I was supposed to belong to, all I knew was that I wanted so desperately to feel grown up, and impress everyone else. I started experimenting with makeup, began wearing push up bras to hold up what little boobs I had, and started shopping for tighter clothes to impress the boys I realistically didn't care about whatsoever. Brittany, on the other hand, was the complete opposite. She still had imaginary friends, slept with Sir Cuddles the bear, tucked her barbie in every night before she went to sleep, and spent the majority of her alone time trying to teach Lord Tubbington how to talk. Yet, she still managed to look sexy and grown up. It amazed me.. she was, well, perfect.

"San," She began as we got ready for school Monday morning. She usually spent Sunday nights at my place, it started the night before seventh grade. We were starting at a new school, and despite what I had been telling myself, I was nervous as hell. Brittany knew that, and had offered to stay with me so we could go to school together the next morning. Every Sunday since then, she's stayed with me.

"Mhm?" I asked, adding another coat of lipgloss to my already glossy lips.

"Why do you take so long to get ready in the morning?" I looked up into the mirror to find her laying on my messy bed, propping her head up on her elbow. My breath got caught in my throat for a moment; her natural beauty always managed to get me. She had long, wavy blond hair that sprawled across her shoulders, a light sprinkle of freckles across her little nose, a warm, genuine smile that never seemed to leave those bright pink lips, and a little twinkle in her sky blue eyes that made my heart flutter.

"W-what?" I asked turning to face her. _I got a little distracted. _

"How come you take so long to get ready? I mean, you wake up pretty. You could put clothes on and leave in five minutes... yet you've been in front of the mirror for an hour now." She said sitting up and tilting her head, her eyes studying mine.

"I.. I don't know." I mumbled, a little taken back by her question. "To look hot? No, I mean. I'm already hot but.. I don't know." I said finally. I guess I _didn't_ really know. That's just something teenagers did right? She giggled and stood up, slipping her hands under mine as she stepped forward. She was so close I could feel her breath on my lips. I couldn't help but gaze down at them before my eyes found their way back up to hers, getting lost in them as she spoke.

"You're like, the hottest girl I know. You don't need to try." My cheeks grew warm – no, they were burning as I took in what she was telling me. I'd been called hot a million times before, but somehow it was only when Brittany said it that it really meant something to me.

"You know what I think you need?" She said in a soft voice when I didn't respond. "A day where you don't have to impress anyone."

"Oh yeah?" I said, raising an eyebrow. "How exactly will I get a day like that?"

"Well," She began as she lifted up my arms to pull off the tight v-neck I was wearing. I liked that shirt – it made my boobs look way bigger than they actually were. She threw it to the floor and made her way towards my dresser, opening the bottom drawer where I kept my pyjamas and casual clothes.

"You're going to wear something a little more comfortable," She said as she handed me a baggy plain white shirt she found at the bottom of the drawer. "And we're going to ditch school and spend the day at the park, in our tree house. Because you don't have to impress anyone when you're with me, I'm already impressed with everything you do." I took my time as I slipped it on, using the shirt to cover the goofy smile my lips had formed, thinking about me impressing her -she was the only person that mattered anyway- and spending the day in our tree house. Her dad built it last summer for Britt and I, in the back of the forest in the park, so nobody else could find it but us. We had spent almost every day that summer in our tree house, just talking and getting to know each other even better than we already did.

Once the shirt was on, she spun me around to face the mirror, before lowering her head to whisper in my ear.

"You're beautiful."


	6. Chapter 6 - Losing It

"Britt.. do you ever think about sex?" I asked shly as she cuddled into my side. It was the third week of summer after nineth grade; and it was boiling hot. But, Britt insisted we get our cuddle on, and I couldn't argue.

It was almost 2 AM, and I couldn't sleep. I could tell she wasn't sleeping either, despite the comfortable silence we'd been laying in for over an hour. I could always tell if Brittany was sleeping by the sound of her breathing.

I wasn't sure why she wasn't asleep yet – the movie had finished awhile ago, usually she fell asleep just before the ending, so I'd have to tell her about it when she woke up. It was routine. I wondered if her thoughts were as loud as mine were – they wouldn't shut up tonight. All I could think about was cheer camp next week, and the rumours we'd heard about in Cheerios throughout the year. All the older girls told us about it; every year at cheer camp, the freshman cheerleaders ended up losing their virginity when they were there. That's why guys joined, and ended up quitting shortly after. The older girls didn't seem to mind, they -to my surprise- found it pretty amusing.

I'd be lying if I said the thought of losing my virginity in a week didn't scare the shit out of me. Quinn didn't seem to mind – then again she never really mentioned it. Neither did Brittany. It crossed my mind that I was just being a typical gullible freshman, and the whole thing was bullshit, but almost all the girls had shared stories about losing their v-card at camp. Why would they make that up?

I'd been telling myself I was being ridiculous. I'm Santana Lopez, I don't let shit get to me. Well, that's the image I protrayed at school anyway. I had made a big transition from middle school to high school, and transformed myself from the awkward seventh grade girl who wasn't sure where she was supposed to fit in, to the coolest, hottest bitch at McKinely, who was all too sure of herself. Britt hadn't changed much, she still tucked that barbie in every night and believed in Santa, but every day she managed to look even sexier than she did the day before – nobody but me could tell that underneath it all, she was still the same girl I met back in fifth grade.

She had just come home today after spending the past week at dance camp. When I wasn't busy missing her all week, I was thinking about those rumours, and how.. _unspecial_ it sounded to lose my virginity with a guy who barely knew my name, just to follow in the footsteps of the Cheerios who'd done it before me. Despite the way I acted at school.. I wasn't a slut. The only person I'd ever kissed was Brittany for god's sake. It was on a friendship level of course; we'd come to the agreement that kissing each other instead of kissing randoms at school was a good compromise. I'd been thinking all week, that if her and I could kiss and it was acceptable.. maybe sex would be acceptable too.

I tried to convince myself I didn't want to do that with her. I mean, she was my best friend. But, I had trouble lying to myself, and deep down I knew how badly I wanted her to be my first. I couldn't understand why I wanted it to be _her _so badly – maybe it was because of the fact she _was_ my best friend. I knew how much we cared about each other, and how much we loved each other; it wouldn't be sloppy, and rough or uncomfortable, I'd go out of my way to make sure she was okay, and vice versa. I couldn't bring myself to admit that maybe it was because the love I had for her was more than a friend – no. That idea hadn't even crossed my mind. Okay.. so it had crossed my mind once. _Once._ I pushed that thought aside, because it was ridiculous.

I had thought about doing it with Brittany before that week. Actually.. all year.. I'd been thinking about it. I hated the idea of some horny pig at camp swiping her v-card, before I had the chance to make her actually feel good. I wanted her to connect with me that way before anyone else. It made no sense to me, and it had been bothering me for awhile, even though I knew it shouldn't of been.

I could feel Britt suck in a breath after hearing my question, and my heart beat sped up. _Oh god. Why would you ask her that Santana? Jesus christ._

"Sex?" She asked as I turned to look at her. Her head was resting on my shoulder, and her eyes were glancing up at mine, studying them. There was just enough moonlight shining through my bedroom window so I could see them.

"Yeah.. you know.. sex in general. Do you ever think about it?" I asked nervously, biting down on my bottom lip as I waited for a response I wasn't sure I was ready for. She was silent for a moment; I could see she was trying to think about what I was saying.

"I guess sometimes I do." She finally said, pausing for a moment before giggling softly. I couldn't help but smile a little bit – whatever she was thinking about was really amusing her.

"What is it?"

"It's just.. sometimes I think about what it would be like with you." I froze. _Did she just say that? She did. Ohmygod. Keep it together Lopez. Keep it __together. _

"You.. do?" I asked, still in shock. _Woah. So I wasn't the only one who was thinking about it. _It made me feel a little less.. guilty.

"Sometimes." She said again, an innocent smile playing at the corners of her lips. "Why'd you ask me that anyway?" She asked curiously, tilting her head a little.

"Well.. sometimes I think about doing it with you too." I admitted, my face going hot. I couldn't believe I was telling her this. Part of me wished I could be like her; she was so open and had no fear of rejection or embarassment. She smiled, giggling again, causing me to join in.

"I don't wanna' lose it to just anyone." I said softly after a moment of surprisingly comfortable silence. She propped herself up on her elbow to get a better look at me, her eyes never leaving mine. I usually hated eye contact, but for some reason with Brittany I didn't mind the intimacy.

"Me either." She said, pouting a little. My heart ached, I wanted so badly to just hold her and kiss her.. then I remembered I could. I moved in closer to her, her breath on my lips making them tingle before I tilted my head and pressed them against hers. Her lips were so warm and soft – they never failed to send a shiver down my spine and cause my heart rate to increase.

"What if we were each others firsts." I murmered, pulling away ever so slightly that our lips were still grazing as I spoke.

"I'd like that." She said, barely above a whisper. We looked at each other for a moment, studying each other's expressions, before we broke out into a light laughter again.

"Is it normal for friends to do that?" I asked, a small smirk playing on my lips.

"I think it's normal for friends to do whatever they want to." She said innocently, smiling cutely as she did so. That's when I went for it. Before I knew it I was on top of her, placing soft kisses along her neck and jawline. She lifted my arms up, and slipped my top over my head, exposing my bare chest. With anyone else I would've felt exposed and vulnerable, but with Brittany I just felt comfortable.

"You're so beautiful." She mumbled, pressing our lips together, moving them against each other passionately. Suddenly I was lifting her tank top over her head, and I was placing kisses down her chest. I felt her shiver, sending an all too familiar sensation down between my legs.

"Do you know anything about girl-on-girl?" I murmered against the soft skin on her neck, causing her to giggle, sending vibrations through my lips as I sucked gently on her pulse point.

"I may look innocent, but I do my research." _Ohmy__**god.**_I couldn't help but moan at the thought of whatever 'research' she was doing. I began to grind my hips down into hers, and it must've given her the confidence to ask for more.

"San.." She said, a hint of plead in her voice. I knew what she wanted. I trailed kisses down her chest and stomach, kissing her waist line before pushing her pajama pants down. I continued to grind my hips into hers, picking up pace as she moaned. If we kept going like that, neither of us were going to last long.

"This is amazing." She breathed, sliding her fingertips down my back. I took that as a sign to go further, and so I slowed down and slid further down her body, placing soft kisses on the inside of her thighs. I was nervous, and so excited for what I was about to do. I had been dreaming about this moment for so long now – and it was finally here. I had done enough research myself that allowed me to be confident in what I was doing, and hopefully make the moment as special for Brittany as it was for me. As my heart beat excelerated and I felt a rush of pleasure and adrenaline course through my body, I hooked my fingers in her underwear and slid them off. I'd seen her completely naked before.. but this was different. She was absolutely breathtaking. I glanced up to find her eyes locked on mine, and after a moment of holding my gaze, she smiled lovingly down at me.

"Ready?" I asked, biting my lip to hold back the same loving smile as she gave me a small nod.

"I'm ready."

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**I hope you guys liked this chapter :) I felt that since sweet lady kisses were really the start of Santana questioning her sexuality later on, I needed to include their first time. Should the next chapter be their post-sex talk? Review! xx**


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